Physical Progress

I wanted to give a status update regarding realigning the physical body to include not only the skeletal/musculature but the endocrine and digestive systems as well.

Yoga

As I have mentioned previously, I have been guided to practice yoga on a daily basis. This I have done religiously, though on occasion I have had to skip a day. Change has been slow but there has been progress. So far I have gone from being unable to remain in rock pose without a block because of the tension around my knees, to being able to comfortably sit in that position without a block for very long periods without any tension or discomfort. I can even bend over and almost touch my forehead to the ground (1 in away) without discomfort.

Similarly, I have noticed more flexibility in my hips, hamstrings and shoulders. For example, I can do pyramid pose without issue when I could not when I began a daily practice. I can also do wheel pose (also called “flipping the dog” or “wild thing” lol) now which requires shoulder and hip mobility.

I still have a long way to go and there are some poses I may never be able to do without modifications. However, the changes to my body and energy have been significant enough to convince me that I need to continue a daily practice of at least 30 minutes of yoga while also doing foam rolling (SMR) of specific muscles at least three times a week.

Digestive System

Progress with the digestive system has been phenomenal. I have successfully balanced my gut flora using prebiotics and probiotics, homemade yogurt and kombucha. Each is a part of my daily morning routine. I eat a higher fat diet than I use to – 30% or more of my total caloric intake – composed of healthy fats (nuts and seeds, avocado, coconut oil). I also decreased gluten intake but have not completely eliminated it. I find that if my gut shows signs of imbalance then cutting out gluten completely for a week will resolve it. My guidance indicates gluten creates a mild inflammation response in my body. However, there is not yet need for me to remain completely gluten free at this time (hoping never).

I have also vowed to never take antibiotics again for a skin condition (meaning unnecessary). Antibiotics, specifically Ampicilin, created the gut imbalance in the first place. All in all I took antibiotics (Doxycycline and Ampicilin) a total of around 12 months  for acne related issues. Antibiotics should only be taken short-term (14 days max for most), not for 30+ days or more at a time. Doctors give us a quick fix but what they really should be doing is addressing the underlying causes, working toward “whole body, mind, Spirit health”. I am so very grateful to my guidance for being my holistic doctors. 🙂

Endocrine System

The endocrine system has been a whole other mess to deal with. For years (since 2014 after my c-section) I have been dealing with skin issues (acne, dry skin, eczema) that come and go seemingly for no reason. Similarly, my hormones have been all out of whack with various symptoms ranging from cramping during ovulation, heavy periods, shorter cycles on and off, and sometimes skipping a cycle altogether (only happened once). It was assumed that the skin issues were directly related to hormone imbalance and so for a long while there was use of antibiotics, skin creams (Retin A), and even birth control (bad idea).

Then this year I was told to stop taking vitamin A in a dream. I listened, stopped supplementing and then stopped the topical cream as well. I was temped to restart antibiotics and even birth control but my gut/guidance said, “No. Just wait. It will resolve.” I had certainty of this but without a logical explanation as to why.

Within a couple of weeks my complexion underwent a phenomenal transformation. The acne faded and my skin returned to a normal hydration level. One morning I was reminded of my earlier skincare regime. So, I decided to return to a skin regime I use to follow years ago in my 20’s. Basically it is using Glycolic Acid 10% along with Salycilic Acid 2% as part of my morning routine. I also went back to a Benzoyl Peroxide face wash and covered my face with moisture cream made for people with eczema and psoriasis.

When my face was clear enough and the dryness gone, I began to do home chemical peels (also from my 20s/30s). I did a series every two weeks for six weeks. The peels mostly just remove old scarring and skin damage, increase collagen production, reduce pore size and assist with hydration levels. I use to have them done professionally in my 30s until I started doing them on my own from home but then stopped when I began to use retinoids (you can’t do a peel when using them).  I credit the peels for fixing the areas on my chin that kept flaring up into scabby, scary looking spots that wouldn’t heal.

Just recently I re-introduced the retinoid I was prescribed (Tazorac .1%) but use Short Contact Therapy (SCT) meaning I only leave it on for a max of 5 minutes and then wash it off. The cream is usually left on overnight. I often forget to use the retinoid altogether, though, because my face and complexion has improved so much.

While all of the face/skin transformation was going on I also returned to seed cycling to help balance my hormones. I had success with it before but stopped because I got tired of it. I noticed a shift in my cycle this month (2 months into seed cycling). It is amazing how just eating certain seeds on certain days can lead to hormone balance!

Of course the gut, hormones and skin issues all go together. An unhealthy gut has been proven to lead to acne and skin issues such as the ones I had. Hormones do the same. And yoga reduces stress levels which also contribute to skin issues (acne and eczema for me).

I will continue to listen to my guidance and see if I can come into even more balance than I have so far.

 

 

 

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Reminder: Mission Comes First

Had a reminder visit this morning to help keep me on track. It came both in the form of a dream and in recovering of memory of my mission in this life and body.

Last night I went to bed feeling once again very down and out over my situation and timeline. It really upsets me that my life will continue on as it is without much to look forward to (or that is how it seems now). Though I want to be at ease with my situation and life as it is presently I can’t help but feel restless, in a rush to do more, be more, etc.

I asked for help yesterday. It was provided in dreamtime.

Dream: VPR

The dream began in a location adjacent to my mother’s home and land. Not sure if this is an alternate universe I created or meant to indicate a connection to that part of me and my life. I believe, now that I have had time to process the dream more, that I was being reminded of my past and the preparation it provided for my life.

I was in a large mansion in the garage (inactivity) which was open to my mom’s property. I could see the gate to my grandparent’s land in front of me, the mailboxes, etc. All was very vivid. A group or “party” of people was arriving who I knew and was awaiting. They were going to take me somewhere. I waited for them at the SUV.

When the group arrived a man who was blonde and very tall reminded me that he knew me and told me how we knew one another. He sent me the memory as pictures/images and I recognized myself in them and said, “Yes, I do know her (me) and I remember you!” In the memory I was there as was a blonde girl/woman and him as well. We were on a flatbed truck and I was between him and the girl version of me.

In the SUV (wanting to deviate from a path) a woman began to drive us to our destination. I noticed the gas tank was nearly on empty and exclaimed that we would have to go the long way around to get gas. The closest gas station was 14 miles in the opposite direction. I said, “You should know better than to come out here without enough gas.” As we drove, though, the tank showed a quarter of a tank. I realized I should have waited for the car to warm up and that my mistake would delay us. I could see the familiar land surrounding my mom’s place as we drove.

When we arrived at our destination it was a large facility or warehouse with lots of rooms and stations inside and very high ceilings. There was quite a lot of the dream where I was in a bathroom adjacent to a bedroom. I was on my period (release of pent up tension/anxiety) and had begun to bleed so much that I was soiling the bathroom. A young man kept trying to get to me and I had to make excuses to hide the blood. It felt as if he was romantically interested in me. In fact, it felt like more than one man was doing this but I only recall the one. He went to my top dresser drawer to get me some clothing and I tried to stop him, worried of what he would see. When he opened it up it was full of food – protein bars and sweets. I relaxed then and asked him if he wanted one.

A woman came in and got the man to leave. She then helped me manage the overflow of blood. I told her that I was on day three and normally would not have so much blood. It didn’t make sense to me. I looked down and saw a puddle of blood pooling near my feet. It was spreading out and getting bigger. I had menstrual cramps and everything. It felt very real.

There was a shift in the dream and I saw a young girl who had just been born. There were parents but the focus was on the girl. She was special. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and looked like the girl I had seen earlier in the visions given to me by the man. I watched as she grew super fast, skipping childhood completely to become a young adult. I then saw her step onto an elevator.

Another shift and we were all gathering to receive our assignments. We – the girl and I – were with the man from earlier in the dream on a flatbed truck just like in the vision. I was told that I would go with the girl and we left with a group to our assigned flatbed truck (group work) to await transport. I remember being told I was not to go on the truck with food and had a very important mission on the front lines. It felt very military in a way as there were hundreds of us in formation and then hundreds of groups of others doing the same thing. We were also all wearing white nurse-like uniforms. Pure white.

Then an alarm sounded and a voice came over a loud speaker. It was informing us of an assignment change because of an emergent situation. People began to scramble and look at small devices in their hands. The devices told them their new assignments. Many left the line. The young woman with me did this. I was confused and looked down in my hand at the device I had with me. It had never been used and somehow I knew how to get it to function. I had to take tape off the paper and feed it into the device. It then began to print up my assignment but I was holding it so the printed words were upside down. A woman came to assist me and took the printed info and tore it out of the machine along the perforation. She then showed it to me.

I saw very distinctly this:

OUE but when I read it the letters shifted and the O looked more like a Q.

OUE to QUE

The woman told me, “You have been assigned to the Visual Presentation Center (VPR)”.

I wondered about what this was and saw in my mind the front desk of the entire facility we were in. It felt like in-take and my heart sank because I knew what it meant. I had been taken off the front lines where all the “action” and “important” work was being done and been sent to be a greeter of incoming “soldiers” (though that is not the right word). It felt similar to being a hostess at a restaurant – greeting people as they came in, smiling and being nice, taking their information and walking them to their assigned “seats”. I was immediately sad/disappointed especially because I knew the young woman I had been with had been sent to do what I felt was a more exciting assignment, closer to the action and more hands on.

Somehow the letters on the paper explained my assignment. When I looked at them the O was most prominent and the other letters seemed to fit inside. The bottom portion that made the O look like a Q was set in such a way as the Q was more like a O with a perpendicular line pointing straight down underneath. I believe I was seeing Light Code in the dream and that it was how we communicated.

I walked toward my assigned location and passed by a tall, dark haired Hispanic-looking man with facial hair (go-tee). I knew him as the person I reported to. I also felt like he was the “father” of the young woman for some reason and thus held a similar relationship to me. When I walked by him I asked, “When would you like me to report?” He said to me, “I don’t care.” He looked and felt as if he were just as disappointed as me. I noticed he had a rake (must do work by ones self) or broom in his hand and was using it as if cleaning up the area. It seemed like he did not want anything to do with me but I did not take offense.

The sense overall was that no matter my assignment I would do it, not because I had to for fear of punishment but because it was needed. Everyone went where their gifts would be of best use for the whole. It felt like duty and loyalty to a cause. There was no “I” in this equation, only “We”.

Reminder

The reality of my assignment woke me from my slumber and my partner was very close. My lower abdominal region was sore and stiff and I could feel energy swirling in my head from my crown down the back of my neck.

Disappointed by the reminder my dream provided I felt deflated. My partner sent calm and said, “You belong here (as in this position in time/space).” I said to him about my assignment to the VPR – “But I’m not doing anything.” He replied, “Yes you are. You’re here to guide others.”

With his words my blog came to mind immediately. I acknowledged him but still was disappointed. I wanted to be assigned where the young woman in my dream was assigned – the front lines where all the action was taking place. It was exciting, full of action and participation, everything that I feel called to do here.

My partner then reminded me of my life and background, how everything I had done up to this point had been in preparation for my role in the ascension of Earth. The main path, of course, has been “teacher”. I worked with children of all ages, mostly those struggling, and expanded into counseling. All of these attributes are specific to my role as guide. The dream was showing me that my assignment is to meet and greet others coming into awareness (in-take) and show (guide) them their path.

I can only assume now that the “others” are children or those considered children either literally, figuratively or both.

My partner encouraged me to not resist, to allow, which I did. I could feel the comforting energy settling over my head and snaking down my neck toward my core. He said, “We talked about this before you arrived.” I Remembered but had not anticipated how difficult it would be. My gut urge is to jump head-first into action but the reality of my situation is that I cannot move so quickly. I heard, “It is incomplete” and I knew this to mean that my process, which is also the process of my current family/situation, is not yet complete. Contracts must be fulfilled.

I was gifted with a vessel that had been prepared (via experience, attributes) for my work but in return I must complete her contracts. This is our agreement.

My gut urge, though, is to LIVE my purpose. Imagine receiving the gift of a body that is full grown and still maintains its vibrancy and youth. Wouldn’t you want to explore it? Wouldn’t you want to grab hold of life and live it? Yet what I am confronted with is the reality of the agreement I made with the walk-out. Before I can do my work here I have to complete hers. To me it seems like an eternity, as if this body will be old and have lost all its youth before her contracts are complete. It seems like such a waste to not use what I have been given.

I shifted into dreams again after a while. In them I was traveling to California (spiritual connections/home) and meeting up with my family, a group of people unrelated by blood but connected at a far deeper level. We were planning a trip together and I remember scheduling a 12:30 trip with my mom. I kept taking photos and video of the group, seeking to remember the faces and the connection we all shared. Throughout this dream I kept having physical sensations of arousal which would wake me and then I would fall back into the dream scene. This happened over and over.

Ultimately I awoke and was reminded that the pleasures of the body are inferior to the sensations created from the connection of Spirit. That missing out on my remaining youth was unimportant and I would recognize this at some point. My outward appearance would matter not. This I remembered from the many lessons in dreamtime I had undergone reminding me that when one is connected to the Divine all other considerations of the flesh fall away. Yet while in this vessel – flesh – the sensations of the body and the desire that accompanies it is very real and attractive.

Then the reminder and Knowing – Mission first, all else is secondary.

Reality

It is at moments like these – moments of Remembering – that this experience of walking-in to an adult human body is very real to me. The Memory is like lightening and there is immediate surrender to this Knowing. I know that the walk-out was not like this. When I think of her the word that first comes to mind is “resistance”. She resisted everything to the point that her entire physical body continues this pattern, stiff and unbending to life to the point that months of daily yoga practice has yet to free this body of its restrictions.

Similarly, I can understand why she was so resistant. Her Knowing went against her wanting. Now in her shoes I have similar feelings, similar desires to do my own thing, to break free of this life trajectory I am on. It is very real to me why she was the way she was. And now, in her shoes, I am experiencing not only who she was but also how she was – is – received by others and the roles she agreed to play in their lives. But my role as her is very passive. I simply continue her patterns for the benefit of others while waiting for their lessons to complete and her (my) contracts to be fulfilled.

In the meanwhile everything I came here to do is on hold. Everything except working on correcting the issues of this body so that it can hold more Light. Right now preparation is the only thing on my agenda other than fulfilling the contracts of the walk-out.

 

 

Tethered

I wish to discuss a feeling I’ve been aware of these past months since I walked in. The feeling existed prior to the walk-in, only it was less obvious and easy to ignore. Now, however, it cannot easily be ignored.

Prior to the walk-in I would have called it a feeling or gut/intuitive sense. It was so slight that I could not put my finger on what it indicated. I knew only that it left me feeling undecided; split.

Now I recognize the sensation is energetic and not emotional at all.

It is only present when I consider my options in life, asking myself questions like: What do I want to do? My mind often wanders to my time visiting Tennessee and I long to return to the mountains there. I think to myself, “It is so easy. It is just a decision. I can go there, live there if I want. Nothing is stopping me.” Yet the minute I consider going elsewhere, like TN or another state, I feel this tethered feeling. It is like I have chains attached to me that weigh me down to one place. These tethers extend from my spiritual body into the physical. I see them deeply embedded in Texas. I see them attached to the Beings I call my children, too. One would think I could just take my children with me and be free to go and do what I wish, but the tether to Texas is stronger. There is much more to the physical location than I am able to see.

Do I fight this feeling or go with it? I sense – Know – I need to go with it. The feeling is purposeful. I have a contract with the three Beings I brought into this world. I can see the energetic cords that bind me to them and them to me. They are beautiful and intricate, woven strands of colored, silvery energy that extend between us.

The cord to Texas is not as beautiful. It is thick, like rope, and fibrous. The color is solid and yellow. It feels more like an anchor than a tether. Is this family history? Something genetic in origin? Have I been assigned to this location? I suspect it is something along these lines.

So, ultimately, it is the physical location that creates the most resistance. It is heavy and cumbersome. Yet the connection I have with my children feels linked to the location. I sense that if I were to relocate and take them with me that something – circumstances, life – would always take me back to Texas….pull me back.

There is so much I would like to do but this tethered feeling stops me in my tracks. It says, “No. Not yet.”

I am reminded that I am not finished adjusting and that I will Know when it is time.

The Body as a Temple

I mentioned in my last post that I planned on writing more about my insights about the treatment of the physical body and maintaining balance. Below are excerpts from my personal journal.

June 4th 

As I settled down to sleep I was asked if I was ready to Remember some more. I said, “Yes” and then meditated for a while. During meditation I felt guided to “rest” my mind, to calm it and focus. A conversation ensued about this feeling I have inside that tells me what my life should be versus how my life is. The feeling is so unassuming and peaceful. It is an at-easeness with life. Life and existing in this body is flowing and balanced. I was able to contact the feeling. I was encourage to continue to contact it, to touch upon it when I needed a reminder of where I am going; to use it as my compass.

We discussed yoga and why I am being led in this direction. I have insecurities about my form and my body. I have such imbalance in my musculature which prevent me from settling into the asanas comfortably. It is hard for me to see myself as proficient in yoga. My mind says, “Yoga instructors have been practicing yoga all their lives. They are able to demonstrate proper form. Their bodies are supple and balanced.” I am none of these things. In fact, I just started practicing yoga this year.

I was directed to consider my most recent yoga experiences. I have twice completed a 1 hour 15 minute grounding practice included in a set of 6 I recently purchased to prepare me for the Clubbell Yoga workshop this Fall. My reaction thus far is that it was challenging but achievable. In fact, I was able to complete it without issue though I had to modify some of the poses requiring balance. I had a win, though, because by the second round of those requiring balance I was successful (Warrior 3 and Half-moon). It was obvious to me that in order to teach others yoga I would have to work hard on mastering the asanas so that I could speak without gasping for air. lol As of now, the challenge has been to breathe properly because when I am challenged I tend to breathe heavily or hold my breath. With practice my breathing will be less strained so that I can speak and think clearly as I go through the practice.

My conclusion was that yoga presents a unique challenge far beyond the other physical challenges I have faced with high intensity and high impact activity (running and weight training specifically). Of course, the other physical activity I have challenged myself with has had its place but none assists with energy flow and balance of the body like yoga. In fact, they actually can create imbalance and inhibit energy flow (chi)! Mentally, yoga is far more challenging as well. It is easy to quiet your mind when you are running or weight training because they force you to focus on whatever movements you are performing. In yoga, your mind easily wanders and so it takes more intention to remain focused. In fact, yoga reminds me of dancing or better yet of when I would practice flag routines in high school. You are moving your body, seeking to perfect the movement of it without strain all the while maintaining breath and being conscious of the energy in your body. Yoga is an art. Truly.

Even so, I am skeptical that I can become proficient enough to feel confident. I want to continue doing what I am familiar with. My guidance asked me to consider the real purpose behind my exercise. Is it because I want to be healthy? Because I enjoy it? Or is it more because I want to maintain a certain outer appearance? Of course, I knew it was vanity that was my main motivator. I was asked to take away that motivator. What was left? Would I lift weights or go for runs if that motivation was gone? Ultimately, my answer was, “No, not as much anyway and definitely not as intensely.”

Then I was asked to consider how I felt after such intense exercise and then to compare it to how I feel after yoga. After a run I feel a brief runner’s high usually, but not if I push myself too hard. After weight training I feel tired, sometimes light headed and a day or more later very sore. After yoga my entire body feels energized. There is a stirring of energy that courses through the areas that were tight beforehand. There is a lightness as well, like I just received a massage but without the tired feeling. I feel more balanced in body and Spirit. Mentally I feel accomplished and more connected to my physical body than before.

My guidance then said simply, “Your body is your temple.” This hit home because the message all along has been to correct the years of misuse of this body to the best of my ability.

Questions to consider:

1. Does the activity, the nourishment of and treatment of my body, assist in prolonging the function of the body or does it take away from it?
2. What form of exercise best assists in the functioning of the mind, the body and the Spirit when done consistently?

I know running doesn’t meet this criteria. It actually leads to the breakdown of the joints, an increased likelihood of injury, and other issues. Weight training can also do these things. Taking the body to exhaustion repetitively is like running your car with the engine in the red. Eventually it will breakdown. Neither running or weight lifting assists in balancing the energy body, clearing blockages or balancing mind, body and Spirit (though I am sure some would argue that).

It’s not even that I want to live longer but that I want my time in this body to be enjoyable. I don’t want my joints to hurt or my muscles to be so out of balance that injury, poor posture and nervous system or endocrine system issues result. I don’t want my heart to be overworked, my blood sugar to get to scary low levels, or my body to respond with higher cortisone levels because it is “stressed out” from over exertion (high intensity exercise has been shown to actually cause stress rather than reduce it!).

I am not trying to discourage anyone from exercising in the traditional sense, not at all, but if you are doing it to the extreme or not listening to your body but instead pushing yourself to test your “mental grit” or prove something to yourself, then I suggest you reconsider the long-term results of doing so. Is it worth it in the long run to push your body so much? How do you think you will feel after 5, 10, 20 years of treating your body this way?

For those on a spiritual path, pushing your physical body can also delay your progress. Yes it is grounding and can “free your mind” in a sense, but it is not balancing of body, mind and Spirit. Balance occurs from the “ground” up. Meaning balanced body = balanced mind = balanced Spirit (energy, chi, etc). The balance starts with the body and moves up. As long as you occupy a body, the body will dictate how much balance you are able to achieve within it. For example, say you are an avid runner. Well, it is likely you have muscle imbalance in your hips, lower back, calves and legs. This imbalance in the physical tissues leads to imbalance in the spiritual tissues (blocks in energy). Mentally you might feel accomplished and “high” for a short while but it is not sustainable and can actually lead to avoidance of issues (as in exercise addiction, using exercise to block thoughts, becoming overly use to forced mental clarity and losing the ability to naturally quiet the mind).

Ultimately, I am being shown how our treatment of the body is shortening our lives. This is not just by what we put into our body (food, drink, substances) but also in how we use (or don’t use) it.

All of this is opposite of my previous considerations toward exercise and is taking a while for me to process and accept, but the more I feel for the answers, the more I am realizing I have not been treating my body like a temple.

June 9th

I should go over where balance is needed:

• Physical – periods of rest and inactivity balanced with high to moderate periods of physical activity.
• Mental – periods of problem solving balanced with meditative states inducing peace and calm.
• Emotional – periods of giving to others emotional support balanced with periods of providing it for myself.

Of course it can and should go further than just these things. Physical is much more than exercise and activity. There is food and water as well. Not over or under eating, eating more veggies and natural foods, avoiding toxins and chemicals on the body and in the body, etc.

Mental involves managing stress levels not only through meditation but also via engaging the mind in things that bring about mental stimulation and challenge at a level that is well tolerated. Not too many losses but not too many wins (otherwise boredom). Seeking assistance and engaging in group activities is also helpful.

Emotional balance involves being in tune with ones feelings. This is also mental because it involves observing thoughts that go with the emotions and often trigger them. Setting intentions helps here – intentions to be sympathetic and attentive to one’s own needs and feelings – learning to stop being critical of one’s self, patience with self, love of self and self-care.

An individual can be happy and satisfied in life regardless of their circumstances if they can maintain balance in all areas. All external circumstances are just there to challenge that balance.

 

Difficulty

As time passes and I integrate more fully into this life and body it is, the difficulty surrounding what I signed up for is becoming more and more obvious. The following dreams provide insight into the challenges I face.

Dream: Water Spider

Met with a group of people at a car. Only one man was there and I wondered where everyone else was. He said there was someone in the car. I looked but it was hard to see anyone in there but there was woman sitting in the passenger seat. We went to a pond and I eagerly cast my line but got tons of pond weed. The whole time I felt my “family” was there with me, specifically my mom and youngest son.

I opted to walk up the right side of the pond. It was rocky with large, round boulders. On the other side I could see a stream also lined with boulders. The water was crystal clear. Beneath the water were all kinds of fish (insight). Excited to try my luck I grabbed my rod and attempted to cast down into the water even though it was very far beneath me. My line didn’t budge and I soon noticed it was wrapped around the rod so horribly knotted that I could not fix it (confusion in waking life; things getting in the way). I handed the rod to my mom to have her fix it as I climbed down toward the clear water. Eventually she handed me another rod but it was a bamboo one with a cork on the end. I said it would not work.

My son (masculine aspect) was with me and he cast in and something heavy was on his line as he reeled in. My mom said, “It’s a water spider!” I was thinking it odd that a water (emotion) spider (spiritual aspect) would be so big so looked and sure enough there was a large, gelatinous looking spider on the end. It was white and looked more like an octopus (entangled in difficult matter) than a spider. Baby ones were pouring out from the bottom of it and crawling back into the water. I exclaimed, “Look! It has babies!” We did not want to keep the water spider so we worked hard to release it back into the water.

Dream: Elderly Woman’s Home

In this dream I was visiting an elderly woman’s (aspect of self) home with some other women. There is interaction I can’t recall completely here. Some included spot cleaning the tile floor (cleansing and renewal) and taking photos (memories) of us laying on a bed (private self) of lavender colored flowers (peace, reflection). I remember watching the old woman demonstrate how she spot cleaned the tile and how difficult it was for her to bend over to do it (physical limitations). She could barely get on her hands and knees. I gladly helped her and just bent over to spot clean.

I recall a section of this dream that doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of my memory of it. I’m not sure if it happened before or during or at the same time as the rest of the dream. I am outside a house (present self/body) with my old boss. She is handing me the keys (access) to the house and we are discussing my job. I remember being told what to do. One of my assignments was to inspect the work vehicles’ (life path) fuel (energy, motivation) and I had to do it at a certain time every day. I said I would be happy to do so and that it fit well with the meetings I knew the administrator had. When I am asked again if I want the job I say, “Yes, it gives me autonomy which is exactly what I want.” In my mind I am pleased and visualizing being left alone to do my job.

Back to the dream – I also remember reaching up to grab her camera and seeing a photo of a family (memories) – my family with my husband and children – on the display. I remembered the photo had been lost (lost memory) somehow and when I attempted to make a copy (recreate) of it, the camera display changed and I could not retrieve the photo. Eventually I felt I had done something wrong, broken the old woman’s camera or worse, so put it back quietly and left it there on the shelf (concerns that I cannot fill the shoes of the walk-out).

Then I was inside the old woman’s bedroom (private self) helping her to get organized. Inside the room I saw things I recognized and knew were not the old woman’s things. I commented saying, “Did the house come with the furniture and the belongings of the past owner?” The old woman said it had (recognizing walk-out’s issues). I pointed out the flowered sheets on her bed and pointed out some other things as proof. It felt like the past occupant had not wanted any of her things and the old woman just took them over as her own.

The focus then shifted to the bed (private self). Another woman was helping the old woman put sections of it together. The bed was divided into two sections – the headboard section and the rest of the bed (foot and middle section). The headboard had about four feet of mattress attached to it with its own bedding that matched the other section. I commented that it was odd saying, “I have never seen a bed like that! How do you sleep in it?”

Then I noticed the bed was actually in three sections – head, middle and foot. It was very odd to me that it was in so many pieces (indication of fragmentation).

As I looked around I inspected a shelf with items on it. There were children’s things – toys and random objects that didn’t make sense to keep (walk-out’s attachment to her children). I saw a deck of math cards (logic) and thought that the woman’s grandchildren must come visit sometimes. There was a sense that the woman was trying to hold onto memories of her family and her younger years. A sadness came over me. A few tears escaped my eyes and I wondered, “What is the point? Why repeat this cycle when it just ends in loneliness and sadness?”

Difficulties

I woke up as I heard myself thinking, “The first dream was from the masculine point of view. The second from the feminine.”

I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t so I lingered in bed another hour. The feeling I had was of despair toward the cycle of human life and the pointlessness of it all. It also seemed like the bed and house of the older woman represented the walk-out and the things (memories) she left behind. I remember being told that I (as the walk-in) was selected based upon my experience for this “job”. I accepted this without question.

The old woman (walk-out) was a sad sight to me. I felt sorry for her and am not wanting to be her. I remember hearing as both my guidance and myself (one merged voice), “You don’t want to grow old.” In my mind the time left in this life spanned out in front of me like a slow, torturous, winding road that seemed never to end. I saw all the “rules” that went along with it and how difficult it would be to navigate this life with them in place, so rigid and unbending. The excitement I once felt at the prospect of living to be sucked out of me. I again thought, “How can they go through it (the cycle of life) over and over again like that? I don’t want to do this again.” I heard back, “We know.”

Specifically, I am disturbed by the practices of humanity regarding relationships, mating (sex/reproduction), children and family. All are very obvious to me because I am living it every day. But there is also the disturbing truth about the human biological body and how humans do not know how to manage it so that it survives as it is intended to, using the body up without taking care of it so that decades of use are lost and an early, degrading of the physical vessel results. The body could last three times longer than it is but humans don’t maintain it properly. Note: I’ve actually written a whole post on this topic that I might post later.

I see in my memory how to maintain the human body so that it lives/lasts longer. All the changes necessary are impossible (it seems) to institute in the reality that exists now. Humanity would have to live so differently, with more connection to the Earth and each other, less stress (physically and emotionally), and more focus on maintaining the physical body (daily practices).

There is memory of what human life is meant to be and it contrasts greatly with the reality in which I am placed. I struggle with how to reconcile the two realities – the one I brought with me in Memory and the one that this reality presents to me. How do I bring forth into this reality the other reality? Can I? I realize doing so will not be easy.

 

Immersion

I apologize for once again taking such a long pause between posts. I’ve been adjusting and immersing myself in physical experiences. The immersion process is necessary and at times difficult because of the tendency to occasionally lose touch with where I come from and why I am here. The tendency to forget comes with the occupation of a human host body and the density of physical experience.

The biggest issue I am struggling with is feeling at home and connected here among so many who are unaware. It is difficult for me to feel out my connection with them yet I know there is one if I can settle down and focus upon the deeper layers of the individuals in question. The complete lack of a deeper connection to those who I not only reside with but also those who I come in contact with, family and non-family alike, has created an inner irritation and restless sensation that is difficult to shake.

Recently I was questioning this disconnect and felt a need to further inspect it. So, I focused on my MIL specifically. I saw not only her patterns and cycles but some of her programming. It was surprising to me just how much of her behavior, interaction and personality were projections! It was clear that she was unaware of her cycles, that she believes she is the person she is projecting and that she is completely running on autopilot. My response to this was understanding but I did not feel a need to change my avoidance of her nor did I feel any compassion for her plight.

My lack of compassion bothered me as well. Should I not try and resolve it? My feeling was it was to be expected. Then I began to see the entire set-up of this physical reality as a “game board” upon which we are players. In a virtual reality type “game” there are many other characters encountered. Some you must interact with, some you see passing you by doing the same things over and over and some you barely notice because they are not part of your path. I saw my MIL as one of the many players I would encounter on my mission here but only because her path intersects mine via my husband.

I remembered then to not judge my response to the unaware individuals I encounter and to just allow the feelings, acknowledge them and let them to pass. If I stick with the rule of “do no harm” and adjust my words and actions accordingly then all will be okay.

Similarly, I struggle with the idea of this “game” reality and wanting to participate in it at all. This is when I am reminded of why I am here and am always humbled by it. Yet my mind wants to apply some significance to everything I do, to find something external as validation for my being here and experiencing what I am. The “me” mentality is working very hard to overshadow the “We”. It will not be allowed or tolerated, however.

There is also the continued lesson of non-attachment. The tendency of the “me” is to view non-attachment as detachment, but they are not the same thing. It is difficult to resolve the disconnected feeling as mentioned above because of this tendency. From the perspective of “We” there is a greater understanding of what is taking place, of the adjustments being made and the on-going shifting perspectives. I am being provided with continued tutelage through this often confusing process. As a precautionary measure much of this tutelage is being held in the subconscious for the time being until a time more befitting of its revealing is reached.

Nonetheless, there remains an awareness that the disconnected feeling will be short-lived and to remain vigilant. Mission first, personal desires/wants second. “We” first, “I” second. There is always provided peace and support within, all one needs to do is connect to their core to find it.

I am often reminded, also, to not be distracted. Distractions in this instance are in regard to my mission here. It is implicit in my instructions to remain focused on my path and remain neutral – to not be carried away by the 8 winds.

Worthy persons deserve to be called so

because they are not carried away by the eight winds:

prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure.

They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.

The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds.

                                                                                                                        Nichiren

 

Update: Boil-Off and Future Transfers

It has been a while since I posted on the integration process, so here is a quick update to keep you all in the loop.

For the most part the integration process has been smooth. There have been moments when I’ve felt extremely “alien”, like a stranger in a strange land. In contrast, I’ve also had moments where I feel completely human, solid in this physical form and disconnected from the spiritual world of which I am accustomed.

Of late, I’ve noticed what I am calling memory boil-off. Emotions will arise but seem distant, like they are not real (dream-like) or are a result of my “imagination”, yet they are strong enough to get my attention and often seem to have a set intention. I have only recently identified them as the natal soul’s and cannot seem to get a grip on how to handle them. My remedy has been to acknowledge them and move on but the problem I am running into is that these boil-off emotions seem to stick like gum to the bottom of a shoe. Every time I take a step I can’t help but notice they are there but I can still walk, can still go on my way without them bogging me down or stopping me in my tracks. So far my response to this is to just continue walking but I recognize this is not the best way to handle them. So, I continue to be open to my guidance about a potential permanent resolution, yet so far none is forthcoming.

I also have a strange sense of being both me and the natal soul at the same time. I won’t say that I feel “split” necessarily but reconciling this “situation” I find myself in has proven difficult. Of course, this is the whole point of the integration process but the awareness of it is a whole different ball game. Imagine wearing a costume all the time, identifying with it and feeling it is part of you only to have it taken away and a new one put on. Don’t assume the body = the costume in this analogy, though. This scenario is from the body’s viewpoint, so the Soul/Spirit = the costume and it is the body that is getting use to the change.

In effect, as the new occupant of this body I am sensing the body’s response to me and filtering through the memories and emotions attached to those memories as the body releases them (boil-off). Most of this is subconscious, which is good, but what I am aware of has me feeling much like I am riding an unbroken horse and hoping that soon he will tire and I will get him under control.

At present my “partner” has shifted position to vertically overhead in contrast to his normal position to the left of my perception. This vertical alignment is preparatory and I sense another transfer on the horizon. I may not have mentioned it before (can’t recall now) but there will be four more soul transfer incidences before I am completely integrated. The completion date for integration is sometime in Spring, 2019, so between now and then, there will be four more “events”, or soul transfers. Each soul transfer exchange is not a new soul/aspect, though one could think of it that way. It is simply more of ME descending and merging with the human aspect. The typical word used by others is “embodiment” but transfer is more applicable and appropriate.

 

 

Light Language Transmissions

Hello beautiful BEings of Earth! Hasn’t the energy been WiLd!? We have made the permanent shift to 5D and as such are being hastened toward our individual Service to HUmanity. You might find yourself drawn unexpectedly toward activities unusual for your personality but this is because you are opening up to your true potentiality and therefore awakening to aspects long forgotten or unused. It is sublime so embrace it!

Yesterday I was enamored of the physical light and felt compelled to allow the Light to flow through my BEing. Below you will find two separate transmissions of Light. The first is in the form of song, for I felt well up within me a need to melodize the Light as it flowed into and out of me. The second consists first of an activation followed by two messages. Three separate BEings, all members of the Galactic Federation of Light, presented themselves as conveyors of these messages. I will include below the second transmission what came through as code and word.

The above song is a song of celebration, welcoming and embracing the Light.

The first transmission is an activation for the central U.S. as requested by a reader located in the midwest region. Prior to her question, I did not have conscious knowledge of the geographical regions of the Galactic Federation of Light groundcrew. I was presented with a map and shown the mountain ranges as dividers of the regions. East of the Appalachians are the east/southeast groundcrew. Central is between the Appalachians and Rocky Mountains ranges. And west/southwest are west of the Rockies. FYI: Just because you reside in one of these regions does not necessarily mean you are part of that region’s groundcrew. I live in Texas (Central) and am part of the east/southeast groundcrew.

Specific words that came through with the activation and message are:

Warrior
Called
Action
Service
6th Dimension
Assisting
Presence within

The second transmission is from Sirius B, located at 1:57. The words that came through with this message were:

Trees
Nature
Energy
Preservation
Symmetry
Balance
Frequency
Love
Turtle
Movement

The final message is from a Hybrid Being/Earth relative (she identified herself as such) located on board a vessel within Earth’s atmosphere. Her message begins at 2:44. The words with her message were:

Earth
Surrounded
Loved
Present
Indigenous
Growth
Blessing

Below are two sets of symbols. The large one actually came to me in dreamtime this morning and I knew it was related to the combined transmissions in the second recording. I was drawing it in dreamtime and it came after a string of numbers that were codes for something. I believe the symbol is for the Galactic Federation of Light.

The second, vertical length of code is specifically for the first activation message from Arcturus and goes with the words I wrote above for that transmission.

Light Language Prayer and Transmission from Sirius B

It has been an energetically active day today! An activation is in progress. I received two Light Language transmissions. The first was a prayer for balance and the second a message of activation from the Pleiadian Conglomerate near Sirius B.

Sorry if I seem somewhat drunk on energy or if it is difficult to hear me. For some reason my energy drunkenness causes me to speak very calmly and quietly. I call it my meditation voice. 🙂

Below is an audio file of Light language received from the Pleiadian Conglomerate stationed outside of Sirius B and transmitting to the ground crew receiving in the eastern/southeastern United States.

Here is the full page of symbols for the Light Language transmission from Sirius B. There were several distinct personalities I felt come through and you can perceive them in the symbols below.

For those of you who prefer a translation, I do not have one for either of the above. The energy of the prayer was loving and warm. It felt as if someone was putting a blanket of Light over me. The energy of the transmission was informative, like I was receiving information and codes for a specific purpose. The only specifics I could recall were that I intercepted coordinates for the locations in the U.S. where ground crew was positioned. Unfortunately I only recall the 35N portion.

 

Culture Shock and Rememberings

There are some observations I would like to share with you all about some of my reactions to this planet. For example, isn’t it interesting how humans play with spoken language here on Earth? For example, I have a habit of using phrases like, “I’m shedding like a dog” or “Eat like a pig”. When I use these phrases now I laugh about how silly they are and correct them. For example I will correct, “I’m shedding like a dog” and say, “I’m shedding like me” or correct “Eat like a pig” with “I’m eating because I’m hungry.” I am both amused but also wanting to correct the phrases to make them more true.

Here’s another example: Yesterday, my husband sent me images of the Jefferson Memorial – some of just the memorial and others with selfies of him at the memorial. I got a strange feeling like, “WTF?” It was as if I were visiting a foreign country and not familiar with their traditions and culture (culture shock). I remember thinking, “Why do people think they need to construct buildings and monuments to remember? They could have used all that money and resources in a better way. Like feeding children.” And I also got a strange feeling about the selfie. I just couldn’t understand why my husband thought he needed to take photos of himself there much less visit the memorial.

I later realized, after a discussion with my guidance, that it is human to Forget and so they (humans) feel a need to do these things to Remember. They also struggle to heal so they create memorials to ease their suffering (the 911 memorial comes to mind here). I wondered to my guidance, “Don’t they know they can access universal consciousness and Remember anytime? Don’t they know there are easier ways to heal?”

There are more examples but you get the idea.

It is very obvious that I am not identifying myself as human these days, which I suppose has truth to it since I am not from here originally. Yet, because I am in this body I must adjust. The phrase, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” comes to mind. It makes me laugh because yet again I am using another saying!

Rememberings

I want to share all the messages I have been jotting down on a piece of paper by my bed. These messages and visions came to me before, during, and after the soul exchange.

“6 trillion electrical impulses per day.” – Occurred during soul exchange. I was receiving information on this functioning of this body.

Vision of triangles coming into and out of all of my chakras. Accompanied by intense energy as mentioned in my post The Event – Also during the exchange.

“You are not a casualty” – During the soul exchange. I believe this was a message to the natal soul/walk-out.

“The best organizer of the mind is the heart.” – Same night as the above.

“United Co-Care.” – Relating to helping others, working together on Earth; unification.

“A series of events has begun that cannot be stopped.” – After I reconnected with a member of my soul group.

“My bulvars (sp?) are wide open.” – Several nights ago. Not sure what this means but suspect the name is another word for energy center/chakra.

Song – “The time has come…..you’re gonna be my #1.” To tune of “The Tide is High” by Blondie. – two days prior to reconnecting with soul family.

“Are you ready to get back to work?” – the morning I reconnected with soul family.

Tuesday 

I watched my SIL’s kids Tuesday.  They were watching Finding Dory but I was busy doing other things. However, one particular part of the movie suddenly became very loud to me, causing me to pause and pay attention.

In the early part of the film Dory remembers her family and becomes obsessed with finding them. I recognized the similarity to my situation and knew at some point I would feel like Dory and seek out my “family” here on Earth. With this I heard from my guidance, “Not yet. Soon.”

This was the part that suddenly got loud: “All I know is that I miss them. I really, really miss them. I didn’t know what that felt like. Do you know what that feels like?…… I don’t want to forget this. Somewhere out there is my family.”

I have felt what Dory describes very strongly in the past. Prior to that experience I hadn’t really missed anyone – not like that anyway.

The whole movie seemed like an analogy to coming to Earth, to MY coming to Earth, and Forgetting. I Forget so quickly, so easily, just like Dory in the film, yet somehow, despite all this density and amnesia I am able to Remember bits and pieces of who I AM. I have to use what little memory I have to lead me back to my family.

Just this morning:

“I’m about to lose everything.”

Vision of seeing myself engulfed in flames.

Song – “Get up, Stand up. Stand up for your rights.”

“It’s time to go back to work.”

Vision of mother and child jumping out the window of a burning house. The woman is not caught but her child is.

Entire dream of being in a “compound” in line to get food. It felt similar to being in the show The Walking Dead. I chose to eat veggies (spiritual nourishment), specifically carrots (clarity) but there were “clams” (stubbornness) offered to me and I turned them down in disgust. Outside we had prisoners chained up. I wanted to help and gave them blankets (security, warmth). An army (overpowering force working against me) was seen in the distance. An invasion (need to be stand up for myself) was coming. When I woke it felt as if TWD scenario of finding and establishing a Home only to have it destroyed was being used as symbolism.

The feeling with this morning’s message was that some major changes are on the horizon. It was hard not to feel nervous about them. I understood, however, that these changes as I view them are over a period of time and not all at once. I have to be aware of Time in all this and not panic. I have a tendency to see future events as occurring all at once. This I brought with me from the place of “No-Time” and it is strongly advised that I take it “all in stride” and remember that Time allows for distance and “digestion” of change. It is a “blessing” and one I often dismiss. Note: Words in quotes come from a discussion with my guidance, they are Us speaking versus just me speaking.

My tendency is also to assume a particular timeline over all other possibilities. For example, when I heard, “I’m about to lose everything” I immediately thought of my property/belongings and way of life would be obliterated because I also had the vision of myself engulfed in flames. It then occurred to me that it might just be that my computer is about to have issues and that I may lose all my files (which makes sense with Mercury retro).

The gift of foresight that I have brought into this life with me is not meant to be a predictor as such but more a reminder of the paths ahead of me and the trajectories that are likely to come with the choices I make. The key to the use of this gift is to remain objective and quantitative. I am reminded of Nostradamus for some reason here. The information I Remember is not given as a tool to alter future timelines, it is merely a piece of Memory brought back to assist me on my path, to trigger subconscious “links” or “encoding”, like a fuse being lit to set off a chain of events previously agreed upon (previously in Time-space but NOW in No-Time). To think of my precognition as a means of controlling life is a human tendency. I must be careful not to allow for that illusion to get the better of me. The best way of handling an influx of Remembering is to accept, allow and “breathe” through it much like one breathes through the mind chatter that visits during meditation.

A computer takes in and processes information, it does not attempt to alter it.