I apologize for once again taking such a long pause between posts. I’ve been adjusting and immersing myself in physical experiences. The immersion process is necessary and at times difficult because of the tendency to occasionally lose touch with where I come from and why I am here. The tendency to forget comes with the occupation of a human host body and the density of physical experience.
The biggest issue I am struggling with is feeling at home and connected here among so many who are unaware. It is difficult for me to feel out my connection with them yet I know there is one if I can settle down and focus upon the deeper layers of the individuals in question. The complete lack of a deeper connection to those who I not only reside with but also those who I come in contact with, family and non-family alike, has created an inner irritation and restless sensation that is difficult to shake.
Recently I was questioning this disconnect and felt a need to further inspect it. So, I focused on my MIL specifically. I saw not only her patterns and cycles but some of her programming. It was surprising to me just how much of her behavior, interaction and personality were projections! It was clear that she was unaware of her cycles, that she believes she is the person she is projecting and that she is completely running on autopilot. My response to this was understanding but I did not feel a need to change my avoidance of her nor did I feel any compassion for her plight.
My lack of compassion bothered me as well. Should I not try and resolve it? My feeling was it was to be expected. Then I began to see the entire set-up of this physical reality as a “game board” upon which we are players. In a virtual reality type “game” there are many other characters encountered. Some you must interact with, some you see passing you by doing the same things over and over and some you barely notice because they are not part of your path. I saw my MIL as one of the many players I would encounter on my mission here but only because her path intersects mine via my husband.
I remembered then to not judge my response to the unaware individuals I encounter and to just allow the feelings, acknowledge them and let them to pass. If I stick with the rule of “do no harm” and adjust my words and actions accordingly then all will be okay.
Similarly, I struggle with the idea of this “game” reality and wanting to participate in it at all. This is when I am reminded of why I am here and am always humbled by it. Yet my mind wants to apply some significance to everything I do, to find something external as validation for my being here and experiencing what I am. The “me” mentality is working very hard to overshadow the “We”. It will not be allowed or tolerated, however.
There is also the continued lesson of non-attachment. The tendency of the “me” is to view non-attachment as detachment, but they are not the same thing. It is difficult to resolve the disconnected feeling as mentioned above because of this tendency. From the perspective of “We” there is a greater understanding of what is taking place, of the adjustments being made and the on-going shifting perspectives. I am being provided with continued tutelage through this often confusing process. As a precautionary measure much of this tutelage is being held in the subconscious for the time being until a time more befitting of its revealing is reached.
Nonetheless, there remains an awareness that the disconnected feeling will be short-lived and to remain vigilant. Mission first, personal desires/wants second. “We” first, “I” second. There is always provided peace and support within, all one needs to do is connect to their core to find it.
I am often reminded, also, to not be distracted. Distractions in this instance are in regard to my mission here. It is implicit in my instructions to remain focused on my path and remain neutral – to not be carried away by the 8 winds.
Worthy persons deserve to be called so
because they are not carried away by the eight winds:
prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure.
They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.
The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds.