I wish to discuss a feeling I’ve been aware of these past months since I walked in. The feeling existed prior to the walk-in, only it was less obvious and easy to ignore. Now, however, it cannot easily be ignored.
Prior to the walk-in I would have called it a feeling or gut/intuitive sense. It was so slight that I could not put my finger on what it indicated. I knew only that it left me feeling undecided; split.
Now I recognize the sensation is energetic and not emotional at all.
It is only present when I consider my options in life, asking myself questions like: What do I want to do? My mind often wanders to my time visiting Tennessee and I long to return to the mountains there. I think to myself, “It is so easy. It is just a decision. I can go there, live there if I want. Nothing is stopping me.” Yet the minute I consider going elsewhere, like TN or another state, I feel this tethered feeling. It is like I have chains attached to me that weigh me down to one place. These tethers extend from my spiritual body into the physical. I see them deeply embedded in Texas. I see them attached to the Beings I call my children, too. One would think I could just take my children with me and be free to go and do what I wish, but the tether to Texas is stronger. There is much more to the physical location than I am able to see.
Do I fight this feeling or go with it? I sense – Know – I need to go with it. The feeling is purposeful. I have a contract with the three Beings I brought into this world. I can see the energetic cords that bind me to them and them to me. They are beautiful and intricate, woven strands of colored, silvery energy that extend between us.
The cord to Texas is not as beautiful. It is thick, like rope, and fibrous. The color is solid and yellow. It feels more like an anchor than a tether. Is this family history? Something genetic in origin? Have I been assigned to this location? I suspect it is something along these lines.
So, ultimately, it is the physical location that creates the most resistance. It is heavy and cumbersome. Yet the connection I have with my children feels linked to the location. I sense that if I were to relocate and take them with me that something – circumstances, life – would always take me back to Texas….pull me back.
There is so much I would like to do but this tethered feeling stops me in my tracks. It says, “No. Not yet.”
I am reminded that I am not finished adjusting and that I will Know when it is time.