Woke up crying this morning from a pain in my heart similar in intensity to the pain I was feeling back in November and December, 2016. I’m unable to put into words just how painful it is but it is so bad that I feel like I am dying from the inside out.
I had a couple of very vivid dreams leading up to the crying episode. Both dreams involved me being in a different country attempting to adapt to a different culture and experiencing culture shock. In one dream I was taking over the job of a woman but decided the job was too much for me. I resigned and hugged her goodbye saying, “I’m sorry”, then burst into tears.
When I woke up crying, my guidance reminded me that I needed to take my time to heal and prepare. I heard again, “You know what to do.” When I heard this I didn’t know what to do, though. I just felt empty inside, so lonely and sad. I told my guides, “I can’t take anymore of this.”
I asked why I kept feeling this way – this gut wrenching, living death that eventually lessens only to come back and hit me square in the heart. The response I heard was, “Separation.”
Based upon my dreams, my Knowing upon waking and the messages from my guidance it seems that this process I am going through is a normal part of the walk-in adjustment period. When I was told the pain was caused by “separation” my first thought was that I felt separated from Source and Home. Thus, the culture shock feeling in my dreams.
Since I’ve never been through this, I can only speculate as to what exactly is happening because my guidance doesn’t offer much in the way of assistance it seems. I was starting to think I had gotten past the worst. My body feels balanced and back to normal again and overall I feel better than I have in a long while. Yet this horrible despair comes back and I feel like I have not made any progress whatsoever.
I don’t know what to do with the feeling except allow it but it pushes me to the edge when I feel it. Like I will break into a thousand pieces from the weight of it and eventually snap.