Another vision results in another painting.
This vision was received yesterday morning in the in-between along with two others.
Empty bird feeder swaying in the wind – My spiritual side needs nourishment.
Fireballs falling from the sky resembling the breaking up of a meteor as it headed toward the surface of the Earth. – Symbolizes success in a project or wishful thinking and over idealization of something.
Chainlink fence with no visible openings. It stretched endlessly in all direction. It was obviously a cage. There was a busted out section in the center. It appeared that someone had recently broken out of the cage. When I saw the cage I wanted to crawl back inside. – I believe this represents what often happens when we break free of certain limiting conditions or beliefs. We get to the other side and find it unfamiliar and scary. The feeling here was that I would prefer to be in a comfortable familiar place where I knew what to expect than to go to a place where I had no idea what to expect.
When I returned from the in-between after the final vision I was feeling scared. Scared of the future and decisions that could be made to help me break free of self-imposed limitations.
The last vision is the inspiration for this painting.
The symbol and visual of what would become this painting came after I had a brief conversation with my guidance about why I was reacting to freedom the way I was. Why would I suddenly want to return to my entrapment when the prospect of freedom from the cage that is my life was within reach?
Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of change.
It reminds me of a part of the movie, Samadhi – Part 1, Maya the Illusion of Self where they discuss the people who have been trapped in a cave their entire lives. They believe the shadows on the cave walls to be reality because it is all they have ever known. Even when they are shown it is all merely an illusion created by the fire casting onto the cave walls the shadows of people passing by behind them, they refuse to leave their cave reality because it is safe and predictable. That is the way of human nature – we cling to that which is familiar.
The fear and the complete resistance to change I felt that morning still linger even now. It all originated from the idea I had to drive to Mt. Shasta and stay for the summer. Something about the idea causes a fear reaction in me. Fear of making the journey alone. Fear that I will want to stay there permanently. Fear that going on the trip will cause my marriage to crumble and the safety net it provides will no longer be available to me.
It doesn’t help that my husband encourages me to go and has even encouraged me to stay there longer. While one part of me thrills at his allowance another cringes because our discussions indicate that he may be playing with the idea of a permanent separation. Though a part of me agrees with such an outcome, another is terrified of it and the changes that will inevitably result.
As I knew would happen, there are no barriers to me going and staying as long as I would like. My friend happily invited me to stay with her at a very affordable price. My husband said yes. And though he had said no to driving the Prius (my preferred vehicle for obvious reasons) he later even agreed I could take it instead of the older Mazda. And money isn’t an issue because I took that temporary position in October, 2016. I have even chosen a route which takes me through Flagstaff, Arizona so that I can visit Sedona if I want. Fun, right!?
I should be excited, not freaking out.
And then there’s the synchronicity. One night, after I had messaged my friend and we were discussing how she could accommodate my plans, she texted me information about lodging. I checked the text and then returned to watching my TV show. I had an uneasy feeling. Doubt was already creeping in. Had I gotten in over my head? As soon as I unpaused the show the scene changed and the group entered a new location. Guess where they were? Mt. Shasta, California. One of the characters was even wearing a Shasta t-shirt!
Yet I still haven’t taken the plunge and purchased lodging for the gathering in late July. Why? Because if I do then I’m committed and the feeling of what will result scares me.