Upon waking this morning, I was greeted with a message: “Welcome to your honeymoon phase”. Still a bit groggy from sleep, I was thinking, “What? Did I get married?” Then I remembered the dream I had the other night where I was attending a reception and it made more sense.
So what does that mean, that I’m in the honeymoon phase?
The answer is simple. I am getting to know myself, learning to work within a new paradigm of existence. “Work” here is not so much the toiling and struggling kind, but instead a diligence and persistence toward a known goal (yes! and I feel motivated toward it, too!!). As if to reinforce this message, I had a dream prior to waking in which I was informed that I had an infestation of wood ants in the cabinets of my apartment. Ants symbolize hard work and diligence; working together and stashing food and resources during times of plenty to be used in the future.
Thus far, I have been receiving an almost constant in-flow of instruction and mentor-ship from within. It is an apprentice-like relationship and one that is very new yet comfortable for me – an abundance of tutelage and a comprehensive Knowing that is difficult to describe.
Topics and Realizations
Here is a list of some topics I’ve been exploring along with a few realizations I have had. For each of the following I could write several posts. I am just overflowing with ideas right now!
What are boundaries and how do you maintain them? This topic has been built upon over the past week, starting with personal boundaries and extending to those of a more spiritual nature such as “holding space” for another and respect and love of Self. For the personal boundaries, I was able to see clearly how I need to work on my own within my relationship with my husband and family and in relationships with others. I tend to be too open too fast, not feeling out the other person and eventually giving up more of myself to them than I should.
Holding space has been an on-going practice, one I have been using daily to stay heart centered and happy. It is what I do for my counterpart, but I also do it for myself and for those in my family when they are upset (children mostly). It has brought me so much peace. My guidance has been paramount in the discovery of this ability. I’ve always had it but was unable to maintain it, easily triggered by others because of my imbalance.
Yes, there’s that word again! It is appearing now as a tool that if used properly and with deliberate intent can bring me into Wholeness. Not long ago I had a Tantric experience but I did not understand it or the purpose behind it. My “teacher” in Spirit guided me in the art of Tantra to help me identify and direct the potent sexual energy – the Life Force; Kundalini – and recognize the pure potential I have within me.
A little sync I want to share here involving Tantra. Not long ago I posted a message from my guidance about an egg ceremony. That day, a friend on FB messaged me telling me she had a friend who inserted a jade egg into her vagina for many days. I reacted with, “If I get an egg in my vagina tonight I’m gonna laugh!” Fast forward to yesterday. Another friend on FB posted this video in response to one of my posts. If you view it you will see that the woman is a Tantra teacher who uses jade eggs (among other things) to help heal a woman’s yoni. lol When I watched the video I was immediately drawn to the woman and what she is doing to the point that I wanted to fly to Thailand and participate in her month-long teacher training! There was such a strong Knowing incited via her video and her energy that I knew all of it – the egg message, the video, the tantra link – was a message that I need to investigate Tao Tantra more.
There is no doubt in my mind why I am here. The Knowing came almost immediately upon full integration with Self. It first appeared as a statement made to one of my guides while fully embodying the New Me (walk-in), Higher Self, Self, whatever term you want to use – doesn’t matter, it is all the same to me. The exact wording of my primary mission is not important here, and that’s where I got stuck previously, trying to form into words something that has no definable limits. With great clarity I see that all that is commencing around me, in this physical realm, is of no consequence really to my overall mission. It is just a side-effect of it. What I am seeking via this incarnation, and all the others, is exactly what I have been accomplishing. The closest I can come to explaining in words what my mission is, is to return to a memory of the first moment it was recognized. That memory occurred in December, 2015, when the heart connection with my counterpart was first initiated. I remember thinking, “THIS is why I’m here!” I was exultant, too. There was, still is, no doubt, that that moment defined my mission. Yet the recognition was misunderstood at the time and in retrospect I can see this was purposeful. Such an exquisite storyboard indeed! I am here to explore and expand consciousness; to become the Love that I Am and to share my experiences with others so that they can do the same. Expansion within, expansion without.
This path is not to be confused with “mission”. Think of the path as the process and mission as the goal. Goal – Wholeness, complete Union. Current path – exemplify expression of the authentic Self. This is easier said than done. At this point I have been directed to survey and take advantage of the situation in which I find mySelf. Looking around me, I can see with clarity why I chose this time in my life to walk this part of the path. I do not have to work. All my physical needs are being met. My home is comfortable and energetically stable. I am surrounded by my children who bring me joy on a daily basis. I don’t need to go elsewhere to do the inner work I need to do. I can do it right where I am. And what better place to begin to express my authenticity than where I have been most hiding from it?
Yes, this particular topic/lesson is not complete yet. More awareness of the relationship is forthcoming I am told, so even what I am about to share is incomplete. What I have most recently recognized is the powerful gift my counterpart has been – still is – in my spiritual evolution. I was told prior to our initial online meeting that I was to receive a “Christmas present”. Haha! Well, it goes something like this:
Imagine receiving a gift you weren’t quite sure how to use. There were no instructions included so you fiddle with it, trying to figure out how it works. You discover cool and amazing things you can do with it. It’s fascinating and addictive and you play with it too much, obsessed with it. Then you end up hurting yourself because you weren’t using it right. It wasn’t meant to be used the way you used it. You set it aside and sulk for a while. lol Then you try again. You try as many times as it takes to figure it out. Eventually, you recognize it for what it is and begin using it properly. Only then does it begin to manifest as the true gift that it is.
So what is the gift of the Divine Counterpart connection? For me, thus far, it has been an overdose of Kundalini to the point that it materialized quite quickly and efficiently major issues I needed to confront. Like a tidal wave, my Life Force was magnified, forcing me to look head-on at myself, something I DID NOT want to do. LOL The very things that I needed to look at I was forced to look at. Number one issue – attachment. Ouch! But that wasn’t the only one. So many, all hitting me at once and my heart was blasted open more than ever so that I saw through eyes literally held open by a sudden inflow of Source consciousness. Lightening bolt of massive proportions. Agonizing is an understatement.
The Kundalini can be ruthless. It has no preference for “good” or “bad”. It just IS without judgement, without consideration of how it is affecting the fragile quality of the human Ego mechanism. In fact, it blasts away anything Ego-related without mercy. Yet is it seductive, alluring, titillating, and so very attractive. All you want to do is surrender to it. I felt all those things for my counterpart, too. Ah, the mirror in action!
So yes, what a true gift I was given. Now that I know what it is, how to use it and that I can survive it, I feel more mature and able to use it properly. The sudden blast I received is not one I want to repeat. Yes, there are advantages to getting a powerful reckoning with yourself, but then it doesn’t have to be so painful, so exhaustive. Does it mean I want nothing to do with my counterpart? Hell no! Yeah, call me a glutton for punishment, but no it does not mean that at all. Call this Divine connection the “gift that keeps on giving” because it does. If you have a mirror, USE IT. Really, it’s that simple. I need to see myself so what better way than via this tool I have been given? Now that doesn’t mean jump head-first into another meeting. No, I have work to do first. However, I will not ignore the accelerated path option I have given myself.