In Shock

For the last few nights there is awareness of being on board a vessel of some sort. The memories are discombobulated but there is enough memory left that I am certain I am traveling to a specific location in my sleep. The first time I was transferring from one vessel to another. Since then I have been translocating to the same vessel.

This morning there was more memory upon waking of this particular vessel. I saw the white, metallic walls and the clean lines of the craft. It was domed and quite low compared to other vessels I have been aboard. There was a guide with me but I cannot remember his face now, only that his energy communicated that he was a facilitator helping me to make a decision; to select an option out of many practiced scenarios. My reaction to this memory was of rejection. I did not/do not wish to make a selection and so the memory of my interactions with him is affected.

The last day or so this guide has been very close and quite demanding of my attention. I am very good at ignoring him and recently told my guidance to go away and stop talking to me as much. They have been doing that but this particular guide is insisting that I listen to him. This morning he was waiting for me when I awoke.

His message to me was that I “need to come completely into the host body”. I saw an image of energy descending into a body but not fully, the bottom portions of the body (lower two chakras) were being avoided. I realized that he was speaking to me as the walk-in and there was a rejection of this along with an understanding that he was right. I am avoidant. But something about this guide makes it impossible to avoid anything for very long. There was sudden Knowing that the meeting with my physical counterpart somehow facilitated the transfer and now it was up to me to complete it. The understanding of how our meeting accomplished this is still not full. All I know is that something about the bubble effect, or the joining of our individual energy fields into one, initiated the transfer.

There came with this information a great sadness and a desire to run away from the task at hand. I changed my mind. I don’t want to do this anymore. There is great overwhelm and loneliness. I am homesick and the tasks at hand are too much for me to confront. There is a mess to clean up and it is not mine and I blame the walk-out for leaving it behind for me to deal with. There is a choice, there is always a choice, but I am not willing to make it. I just want to avoid it at all costs. It is scary to me and overwhelming. I have to take what is contained in those last two chakras but I don’t want it.

I knew when my guide was close that the walk-out occurred. I just need to fully walk-in. I need to take full control. Now. My reaction to this is, “You do it.” lol I am in complete and total shock.

On board the vessel I am going through scenario after scenario to determine the best course of action. The scenarios are upsetting to me and causing me to delay. Nothing is ideal and I can’t seem to find a solution. There is also a diving into deeper realms of the subconscious going on to assist me with my decision. The most upsetting to me is that I feel so utterly alone and ill prepared. I feel like I descended through a portal into the heart of this body only to find the heart in the midst of breaking into pieces. Now I have to somehow make it whole again; put the pieces back together. But how do I do that when I still feel so devastated? It is like I am disconnected from myself. This, I am told, is the reason for the need to completely integrate into this body. Take it as my own and do the work that is needed to make it Whole.

I wish I could remember the exchange more fully. It is like the memory is there but being held just out of reach. I am told clarity will come, to be patient and give myself time to integrate more. I also hear, “Soon”, a lot.

What I am Remembering is odd so far. It seems to be my experience of the braided state; of being in the passenger seat for so many years, allowing someone else to drive most of the time. It was easy compared to this. I don’t want to be in the driver’s seat. Now suddenly I am the one having to take control and be the responsible one.

I was given visions which I believe were to set my mind at ease. The first was a close up of a whale’s massive eye looking at me. I heard soon after, “Create!” The second was a very large snake slithering past and out of my line of sight. With this I felt that the Kundalini was alive and well and just in hiding. I am certain she will be visiting me again soon.

Finally, last night my tea bag had a message that I only saw this morning upon waking. I felt it appropriate to include here because it applies to so well to the path ahead of me.