For some time now, I’ve had moments of extreme anger and outrage. Various things trigger this and last night I had a “moment”. lol As I fumed for a bit, a small voice began to infiltrate my thoughts, reminding me of my “mission” and the subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle hints I have been given along the way. I was asked, “What do you want?” and I replied, “I want to die.” The little voice didn’t say anything but I had a feeling similar to sirens going off. That request – to die – is my hint that something’s not quite right. It became super clear then that I had fallen back on old ways, let the Ego take control and throw her tantrums, push her desires in the front of purpose. There was a wave of energy that came over me and I was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that.”
Then, as quickly as this occurred to me there was a vision out of nowhere. I was caught up in it so fast that I did not even realized it was happening until it was gone. It was a vision of a statue or something similar. It resembled a sun in the way the “hair” came off of it. It spread out all around it and appeared almost metallic in structure. Each strand of “hair” was wavy and a different color – copper, bronze, gold, and various golden hues. The central figure was very Mayan in appearance and I felt to be transported to a ceremonial chamber in the midst of the pyramids. This is not unfamiliar to me since the Kundalini has been on its ravenous rise. I experienced quite a few in-between and dreamstates in this very ceremonial temple setting. This statue was gigantic, so large that it would take up the entire wall of a normal sized bedroom from floor to ceiling. The colors of it were all gold hues with black, red and orange embellishments painted on it. The eyes were very wide and the mouth a circle. It appeared almost as if were a mask.
As I got my bearings after being transported quickly to and from this scene, I heard, “Are you ready?” In a sort of daze I replied, “Yes, I’m ready.” I knew without knowing how that the voice was referring to a ceremony. As if in response to my thoughts he said to me, “Ceremony of Initiation.” Somehow I seemed to know exactly what initiation he was referring to – the Kundalinin and breaking through the last remaining barriers to Samadhi. In Hinduism, Samadhi is the final stage in yoga at which union with the Divine is reached. With this I knew I needed to prepare and saw visions of a ceremony as well as the preparation for this ceremony.
All the while I heard the voice say, “You are a Spiritual Warrior……Remember.” There was that word again: Remember.
I don’t really believe in ceremony or ritual. I feel that it is unnecessary, that intention alone is enough to initiate change or manifest one’s desires. Yet time and time again I am being shown specific actions to be completed and have been following them. Where is this originating from? Is this a past life returning to me? Or is this an integration of another aspect which is making itself known to me? Is it really necessary to perform these ceremonies and rituals?
The answer came immediately. A reminder of the stages of manifestation. The stages are this: Think of what you want/desire. Speak it as if it is happening NOW. Then enact it (physically act upon it as if it is happening NOW). With this I knew that rituals and ceremonies are the final step – allowing us to ACT in the physical to manifest what it is we desire. Most things spiritual are abstract and intangible. Ritual and ceremony give you the opportunity to express something abstract and intangible in a physical and tangible way.
So what was the ritual? Firstly, I knew I needed to fast again. I saw my energy. It is low and imbalanced. I also saw that I need to flush the toxins out of my physical body. It’s a three day fast this time. How will I do that?! I will starve and don’t have the will power to follow through when I have to feed my family every night and am so active during the day. The answer was to stop being so active. Not something I really want to do. I’m a busy-body in general. I was also told that fasting will bring clarity.
Then I saw that on the third day I needed to be outside. Sleep outside if I could. It will be the full moon (Friday). Here I saw bright blue paint on my face. Whaaaat? lol It was the top two sides of a triangle connecting my eyebrows with the point in the center of my forehead. Directly below the pinnacle there was a circle painted. I almost laughed but I didn’t. Really? You expect me to paint my face?? Not only did I see the blue but I saw white down the center of my nose and on either cheek. Three vertical lines. Then I thought, “Oh it’s LL but on my body!”
Then I saw a fire and felt I needed to sleep under the stars. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out how to make it happen. Honestly, I am not sure I can. The suggestion was to go to my Mom’s and camp on the 16th. This is the only proper place I have access to where I know I will have privacy and not be disturbed. Yuck. I don’t wanna. lol It’s so hot here in Texas that I would not get any sleep. BUT it can be done. I would prefer the mountains. I wish, wish, wish I was going to be in TN on Friday. That would be ideal.
So, I spoke to my husband and he said it would be okay with him if I camp at my Mom’s on Friday. Looks like it’s going to happen……
Anyone want to join me? I will be starting my fast tonight at 9pm and breaking it on Friday, September 16th at 9pm while camping under the stars and the light of the full moon. And yes, I will likely paint my face and do whatever else I am led to do that night. LOL Going to take my maraca with me, make a little music and sing a little LL. 🙂 Just have to get permission from my Mom, now…..should be no problem.
Edit: After posting this I was led to research Ayurveda again and discovered quickly that it is not a fast that I am being asked to do, but a cleanse. Fasting for long periods of time is not recommended. but short-term, regular fasting is. Therefore, I will be doing a three day cleanse similar to this.