The tantra lessons continue. Thankfully with a female guide this time. lol
This morning when I awoke there was an entire lesson awaiting me.
Here is what I learned:
Apparently I have some old beliefs about female sexuality that need to be tossed. I’m not surprised. Sexuality has really been degraded over the centuries. Humanity has no idea of the potency of the energy we carry with us. We have gotten so stuck in the root and second chakras that we forget that ALL of the chakras are suppose to be aligned and “singing” together during sexual union. I say singing because when engaged as they are intended, the chakras vibrate in harmony and create a music. That music is Love.
No, I didn’t get to experience that today. Sorry ya’ll. I wish!! LOL
Anyway, I saw how I disconnected completely from the spiritual component when the sexual energy is present. It is as if I cannot fathom that one can be connected to the other. This doesn’t surprise me.
Another thing I learned is that I do not communicate with my body, I don’t let it speak to me and I don’t listen to it. In fact, it is very obvious that I do not love it. This kind of surprised me but when I considered it, I realized that the only thing I love about my body is the way it looks. When it comes to other aspects, specifically of the sexual kind, I am grossed out. How can you enjoy your body if it grosses you out? LOL And here I thought I had gotten over that stuff after having three babies!
From what my teacher tells me, I have yet to really experience what my body is capable of. This outright shocks me. I am very sexually open and expressive (or so I thought). Yet here I am being told that I am doing it all wrong. Hahaha
But there are some places I have always shied away from. All of them have to do with embracing this body. If I can’t look at myself and love every aspect, good and bad, then how can I accept that from another? I have been effectively distancing myself from my partner without knowing I was doing it, all because I cannot embrace myself fully.
Then there is how I view the sexual act. I see it purely as a means to an end – for pleasure and for making babies. lol Notice that there is no “love” in there? This is normal, too, by the way. I’m very normal. I will keep telling myself that anyway.
Apparently I have also have learned to rush myself for the sake of my partner. I was told straight out that a woman is not to be rushed (she knew her stuff lol). She said, “All the best things come with patience and nurturing” and I saw a visual of a baby in the womb for 9th months. I thought, “You want me to wait 9 months with this energy??” lolol It was then made very clear to me that a good male partner would not rush a woman for his sake. This is when I realized that somewhere along the way I learned that it was more important for the man to have pleasure than me. Like it is my duty. This belief really creeped me out.
Honestly, I like this teacher even though the subject matter is a bit uncomfortable. And I prefer a female guide anyway for something so personal. Not that guides really care, but I do.
You may be wondering why this type of lesson? Well, I wondered that, too. I was told I am being prepared for the Union. Seems that is all I have been doing for some time….my whole life. You also may wonder if the Kundalini energy was present this morning. No, at least not like in the past. Also, this is not sex 101, these are lesson on self-worth, self-love, self-expression, and self-respect in combination with a truly beautiful life force energy, an energy of pure potentiality.