The Kundalini visited again this morning. I have been expecting it/him since the full moon on the 19th. In preparation I did a Hatha yoga flow with pranayama breathing and followed that with a singing bowl meditation.
While in mediation I had Light Language and spontaneous channeling come through. I did not, however, feel the need to record it this time. I was told in the channeling that it was a practice round meant to help me get comfortable with and adjust to the incoming energies that come with channeling. I was also told they would direct certain individuals to me to help me answer my own personal questions since to request personal information would most surely result in Egoic interference. I need to remain the observer in order to be a successful channel and eventually, with practice, would learn to fully disconnect from my body (go OOB). I was asked to be open to more frequent channeling sessions and it was relayed that I was under no obligation to participate in such sessions if I did not want to. As in the past I experienced some watering of my eyes but also became quite itchy to the point that I felt almost compelled to shift positions. I also experienced a very dry mouth.
All day yesterday I had a sore throat. I am not surprised considering the overflow of emotion I experience the previous day. Seems to have shifted the energy in my throat chakra.
As with my other K experiences, this one began within a semi-lucid dream which quickly became a full lucid dream toward the end.
I was sifting through old photo albums with family. These family members appeared to be my current family but they were much older. My own children were adults so that would make me in my 60s or around that age. I only recall pieces of this reminiscing and most of it was done with a male family member who I was very close to but was significantly younger than me – about 15 years younger. I knew him to be my nephew in the dream.
He often exclaimed when he came to old photos of me. “Oh I found you!” and “There you are, I knew it was you!”. He pointed out a photo of me when I was very young sitting in the water on an old piece of drift wood. I saw it and recognized it as a certain river. He mentioned how I surely would have broken the wood with my weight.
Then the family prepared for sleep and he was assigned to share a bed with me. The bedroom we were in was my old room at my mom’s house. There were flashes in my mind at this time of all the men who I had significant, long-term relationships with in this lifetime. Their faces were totally blank, though and I became confused as they seemed unreal and all blended into one masculine, faceless, individual.
As we prepared for bed he was in very high spirits and talking like we were old friends. He turned off the lights and situated himself on the bed. I couldn’t sleep because I heard this sound like something bumping into the bed. He said it was the bugs being drawn to the light and pointed to the window. I saw there was a digital clock in front of the window. It’s luminous green numbers read 12:3o. The numbers flashed and then I saw these strange creatures on the other side of the window of the same green color. They were bumping into the window and making the noise. They resembled some kind of sea creature or maybe a glow worm.
Recognizing the noise bothered me, he took the clock and put it on the dresser. I saw again that it read 12:30.
I remember getting into bed with him and both of us laying down to sleep. I cuddled up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I think he was totally naked but I can’t recall for sure now. All I remember was a golden color, so likely he was in energetic form. At this point I recognized who he was and became worried. I remember thinking, “Oh my God, I am laying with him in a bed. This is real!”
I got up because the feeling in my heart was so intense that I could not resist it and I didn’t want to do something I would regret. In my mind I still connected him with being my nephew and significantly younger than myself. It would be wrong to act on my feelings.
So I got up out of bed and knelt on the floor because my legs just wouldn’t hold me. I leaned against the bed as if I were praying and put my head in my hands, bracing myself against the intense explosion of energy/love coming from my heart.
He asked me what was wrong and I told him I couldn’t bear it (the love). He got up and came over to me, saying something I can’t remember now. This only made the energy that much more unbearable. He put his hand on my shoulder and urged me to stand. I could feel his thoughts and his emotions and it was causing the K energy to surge explosively through me.
Unable to bear it anymore, I turned and fell into his arms and before I knew it we were passionately kissing. All I wanted was to come into Union with him and this I also sensed was his intention. All my lower chakras were pure fire and my heart couldn’t stand it. It felt horribly wrong. I withdrew and woke up.
When I awoke the energy was still surging and he was talking to me. I apologized profusely, feeling completely ashamed for once again withdrawing from him. Seems I just can’t accept him/myself.
As the energy settled he asked me to focus on what I had felt, to go over the experience to find the trigger. The only thing that I could find was that I felt ashamed for wanting to be with my own nephew – a family member. It is wrong; taboo. There was recognition, however, that he represented all males and all relationships with the male gender. This I had recognized previously. He is husband, brother, lover, father, son, nephew, friend….and on and on. It appears that I am working through all these relationship roles and my beliefs of how these roles look or should be. Until I recognize that I have played all of these roles, that I have been both the “good” and the “bad” in these roles, and accept that no matter the role they were just a “role” (no judgement), I will continue to run into conflict with this Union. I must recognize and fully embrace that these masculine roles are all me and to love them and act on that love toward them is beautiful and Divine no matter the belief system attached.