I apologize for my short absence from this blog. The Kundalini has been my primary focus and it has taken most of my energy just to maintain some sort of normalcy in my life. I have been (still am) exhausted. I recorded my K experiences in my other blog since the experiences did not seem directly related to the soul exchange at the time of their occurring. Only now, after a reprieve from the intense energies, am I recognizing that I was wrong about this. The K was/is/continues to be in every way related to the soul exchange.
As I am still trying to process what has been and still is occurring, I am coming from a place of uncertainty at this time. Something is profoundly changed about me. I sense it but it has not manifested fully enough for me to completely identify just yet. My best guess as to what I am sensing is the shift into the new personality that I was warned would be coming at this very time in my life.
Lately I am finding my life excruciatingly difficult to traverse. There is a dissonance in the energy. It is like someone scratching a blackboard with their fingernails. Imagine trying to function when you hear such a noise all the time. Very unsettling and unnerving. My entire vibration clashes with the life I am living.
I stay in my heart despite the draw to over analyze this feeling. When I am in my mind it is as if I have gone crazy, so I stay out of there as best I can. My heart says all is well, stay put, do nothing, observe. It is infuriating yet I listen. What else can I do?
Yet I have all these memories and information coming to me continuously. The memories are triggering something in me. I am overly eager to get to work, but on what exactly, I don’t know. When I sleep I am receiving vast downloads of information. When I wake I know this but can’t retrieve most of this information. This morning I was again disoriented upon waking, having to look at different parts of the room to reorient myself. Door is there. Window is there. I’m in a room. Okay, I know where I am. The feeling with this is really, really strange. Like I entered a virtual reality game and was receiving my coordinates.
And the impatience I am feeling is almost unbearable. I want to act prematurely so, so bad that it has brought me to tears more than once. But my group is not ready yet. This was made very clear in my dreams last night. Several members are still tying up loose ends (me included).
Lucid Dream: Be Patient
I saw my counterpart standing casually with his arms draped over a railing of some sort. When I recognized him the dream became lucid. I could see him so clearly, especially his face. He was smirking and I knew he was amused by my impatience. He told me point blank , “You know you can’t do that.” He was holding something I needed in his hand as if to say, “You can’t move forward without me.” He was taunting me! I got so mad at him that I wanted to push him over the railing because he was going on and on about our “job” and sticking to our plan, etc, etc. I didn’t want to hear any of it. I felt bigger than him energetically, like I could just knock him down flat. lol Yet at the same time his words triggered my knowingness. My group isn’t ready. I’m not ready. I can’t do this alone. If I act prematurely I screw everything up. The dream ended with me knowing he was right and not liking that he found all this so amusing. He is impossible!! LOL
Dream: Off Course
In another dream I was driving an SUV down a two lane highway following behind someone I knew. I remember seeing the road curve to the right. I saw in front of me a river that ran along side the road. It was a brilliant blue, practically glowing. The brilliance of it distracted me and I drove toward it rather than stick to the road. The next thing I knew, my SUV was airborne and I could see the water beneath me. I had all my children in the SUV with me and when we hit the water and became submerged I remember thinking about saving them. I also had a brief moment of panic as I worried I would drown but the SUV floated and I crawled out without issue.
At that point the SUV and my children vanished and I was instead holding a lawn mower by its handle and pulling it out of the water. I pulled the string to start it and it did start up but it was not at full power. As I messed with it, help arrived. I remember a man and a woman came to help me. The man mentioned the mower was a goner and I said it still worked but he said the engine would never be the same. They took me up to the highway and the dream ended.
According to dreammoods, a lawnmower indicates that I need to channel my negative thinking into something more positive. It also indicates I need to keep my temper and attitude under control.
I suspect the blue water is something I am attracted to – something I see as being beautiful and magical; something I want and desire. Since I allow it to distract me, it actually takes me off my intended path and nearly drowns me and my family.
Point made loud and clear.
There are Still Two Paths
My guidance is reminding me that I cannot act until there is one path in front of me. As long as two exist, then I must remain where I am until it resolves. From my understanding of this, it has to do with blueprints but it is confusing to me. The Return mentioned before is involved. From the way I understand it, the original blueprint is coming into view and the more it does, the more I Remember of it, the less interest I have in the current blueprint. So the two must converge, or the one overtakes the other. I see two becoming one, so something like a merge or a dissolution of one has to happen.
It is one thing to say there are two paths still, but it is another to experience it. The amount of energy I hold right now is more than this body has ever held in this lifetime. I feel like I am going to explode there is so much raw life force coursing through me. I am being encouraged to channel this energy into something positive. But what? I feel unable to act yet there is this overwhelmingly strong push to move forward. It is the most uncomfortable feeling ever.