I took a day off posting yesterday. I actually had an entire post ready and then decided not to post it. I slept better but still had intensely vivid dreams and messages. The day was a strange one energy-wise also. Lots to process.
Last night was eventful, too. I was exhausted and asleep by 9pm, so that was different. The exhaustion hit me mid-day and was the kind that made my eyes instantly heavy.
I did my meditation and when I finished I turned on my side and attempted sleep. I got a vision of a line of animals of all kinds – bears, wolves, deer, squirrels – you name it, they were there. When I recognized the vision, I came out of my reverie and noticed my root chakra was buzzing. My guide asked me to pay attention, so I did. Then, my heart chakra lit up. I could feel a warmth spreading across my entire back. Moments later, my third-eye lit up. All three of them buzzed with warmth and then I felt the energy of each chakra connect along my spine. When this happened, I could feel my other chakras join, but with less intensity. I wondered what was happening, I just heard, “We are preparing you.” Yeah, okay. I have heard that so much now it makes me yawn.
I attempted to sleep but my guidance didn’t want me to. The point of keeping me awake was to discuss following my heart, cleaning up my life, making decisions, etc. None of which I wanted to talk about but I humored them.
I saw a very vivid vision of a completely naked man sitting with a wooden bowl between his legs. I thought he must have been using the bowl to puke or crap in and was disgusted by the vision at first, thinking the message was that what I was thinking/saying was a load of crap. lol They asked me to reconsider. With that, I knew the naked man was a Shaman. Why were they showing me a Shaman?? My first thought was Ayahuasca. Really? I remember getting upset because they responded that it would be helpful to me and reminded me it was available in the U.S. My reaction was that my husband would never allow it nor forgive me if I were to take it. Nope. No way. Yet I had the impulse to do it anyway, in secret – to keep it from him and face the consequences after. Then my mind went into overdrive with questions, worries, etc. I finally had to give in and tell my guidance I would remain open to it. This not only calmed me down but then they let me alone.
I was allowed to sleep then, but had a strange dream.
Dream: Avocados and Hummingbirds
In the dream I was with a group and we were going through avocados and taking out the seeds. There were some without seeds which I thought was interesting. I was very drawn to the avocados green coloring and liked the idea of seedless avocados.
Then I was listening to my guide. We were discussing my life and a choice I needed to make. With this, I saw a small bird nest and a brilliantly colored bird flying back to the nest to help one of her babies which had been reluctant to jump out and learn to fly. Although the bird appeared large in the dream, its wings were moving so rapidly that I knew it was a hummingbird. I didn’t see the baby in the dream, I just knew it was there. I also knew it was part of the message. I was like the baby – reluctant to take the leap of faith that led to learning to fly. Ugh.
When I woke up I was not in the mood to talk, yet my guide was there asking me questions and keeping me awake. There were visions in between the conversation because I kept falling into the in-between. I recalled another dream in which I was standing in snow also. All the messages seemed to indicate that I have been stalling and avoiding something. I could not bring myself to acknowledge that something fully, though.
I kept seeing my life as split into two distinctly different lives. It was like a split screen in front of me. This is not a visual I am unfamiliar with. I have seen it before and back then I didn’t want to see it either. On one side is “reality”, or the life I was brought up to believe is my life, or the life I should want. We can call it 3D for lack of a better description. This life is composed of my current family – husband, children and circumstances therein. The other life I see is in complete contrast. It is a life that is not completely clear to me. It is like a dreamworld in many ways because when I look at that life I feel happy and fulfilled and there is interest and curiosity. I want to be in that life. We will call that life “potential”. But honestly, it is not clear to me what exactly is contained in that life.
In the past I chose to return to the 3D version. I know what that life is like. I have lived it, it is safe, it is secure and predictable to an extent. The potential life, the other choice, is less predictable. It is more unknown and that scares me. So in the past, I have rejected it.
Now I am being asked to think about these two lives again. This is why I don’t want to talk to my guides about it. There is a new development regarding this choice, well not completely new but new compared to the last time this decision was upon me. Now I have this amazing feeling in my heart. It has been especially strong this last week but intense ever since I left for Mt. Shasta. It’s a pulsating, you-can’t-ignore-me-feeling. It is so amazingly wonderful that all I want to do is follow it. But it says “choose the potential life.”
So I spent a good amount of time telling my guidance that what they are asking of me is just crazy. If I go with the potential life it means all kinds of upheaval, change, risk, etc. And then I think of this amazing heart feeling and ask them, “How do I interpret these feelings? How do I follow my heart? Is there some kind of method to this madness?”
I didn’t like the answer. lol
I suppose there comes a time when you can’t ignore what your heart is telling you, no matter how much you want to.
I am being bombarded with information and messages right now. I am a bit overwhelmed by it all. I understand I am being prepared but this is getting really intense. There is so much information coming to me, so many messages, feelings and impulses that I can’t process it fast enough. The compulsions are the strongest I have ever had. My heart is overriding my head. I am assured it is a good thing.