There are times when I feel as if I am split in two. This morning is one of those times. It is very obvious right now but at the same time it seems appropriate, as if the other me, the old version, is fighting to make herself known. It can be very confusing, as you must imagine. Thankfully, this new reality is getting a bit easier to navigate.
From my perspective (walk-in/new me) the main difference between us is attitude. I am ready to move forward, live life, embrace my purpose, choose change, etc. She, on the other hand, is stuck in the past, immobile within her reasoning and chasing dead dreams. Her stuck-ness comes from inability to let go. In reading different accounts of walk-in’s, this push-pull between the walk-out and walk-in is not unusual. During the transition period when the walk-in is taking over there is often noted by conscious walk-in’s actual conversations going on between them and the walk-out. I have not witnessed this type of communication yet but I sense the disagreement within. It feels like an unsettled energy. The advice given by my guides has always been to acknowledge the walk-out’s feelings – to give her a say without allowing her to get too overbearing. At times, staying in the forefront of this physical body is very difficult, especially when the walk-out wants to make her feelings known.
I am acutely aware of this split feeling during dreamtime. There are two experiences while I dream. There is the dreamer and then there is the observer of the dream. The dreamer is the walk-out and the observer is me. This, as you can imagine, can make my dreams very confusing. For example, last night there was a mixture of dreams about the experiences and feelings of the walk-out in regards to the recent balancing of karmic energy. At the same time there is memory of my own conversations with my Team transposed over the top of those dreams. I can take on either perspective on a whim, but only my own feels real to me. Yet when I try to contact the full conversation with my Team I am only allowed a glimpse of it, like a summary. This is because if I can view either perspective so can the walk-out and she is not allowed to view much of what occurs with me.
The deep healing that I have been experiencing is mostly via the walk-out for this is the work she has agreed to do in order to clear the way for my entrance. I, of course, will continue some of this work afterward, but the majority of it must be done by her. There is more of this healing yet to be done, mostly on the erasure (balance) of karmic debt and the settling of personal relationships and career.
As I mentioned, during dreamtime I find myself often in conversations with my Team. Most recently it was discussed how to help my mom adapt to my passing from her life. In this, I do not recall everything, but the feeling was that this was in regards to her grieving the passage of the old me. Yet the walk-out considered this to mean she was soon to pass away because a string of recent dreams all had the theme of death and dying. There was also mention of movement and the dreams I recall confirm this. The combination of these two revelations created upset within the walk-out which in turn caused the split feeling within me to heighten. Thankfully at this point in time that split feeling is resolving.