It has been a spit-fire kinda week and the energy continues to jump around. Yesterday it was playful, saying, “Love without boundaries. Play with the sun, dance in the rain, soak up life.” Today it’s like, “Don’t play too much or you will hurt yourself.”
My guidance in regards to the walk-in/walk-out has been limited. I know I am settling into a new me, one that is in transition and choosing a direction for her life. That’s okay with me. I am good at choosing when the options are obvious. Unfortunately, they are not so obvious and just when I think I have chosen one, circumstances shift again and I am back to choosing.
The current theme for the walk-out (me) continues to be healing – healing of past wounds, healing of current wounds, resolution of previously unresolved and unconscious beliefs and reconciliation of past “mistakes”. The mirror through which these things are being viewed is a complicated one, if mirrors are complicated. 😉 There must be a complete recognition of Self now. There is no more hiding.
One of the patterns up for review is the pattern of settling; settling for that which is below what one really wants – the lowering of one’s standards of what is considered acceptable. There is a rigidity to be found in inspecting this. Rigid to an extreme. The pattern shifts from a take-what-I-can-get attitude to a all-or-nothing attitude. There seems to not be a a happy medium here. Which is the best course of action? Is there a best course of action? In this duality plays its role cunningly.
Indecision is perhaps the biggest hurdle here. Indecision traps you in circumstance. It makes a fool out of you, taunting and ridiculing you for not knowing your Self. My ambivalence is unavoidable, though. When you’ve lived as many lives as I have and your memory of them is increasing daily, you realize it doesn’t matter what choice you make. In this there is a feeling of defeat for we all want to be right. But then how can one be right if the decision doesn’t matter? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Blessed if I do, blessed if I don’t. Guess it all depends on which perspective you take.
As you can see, this is all very complicated yet quite simple at the same time. Isn’t this called paradox? lol Yet there is no contradiction if one removes themselves from the role of actor and shifts into the role of director. It’s merely the performance of an ever-evolving movie of self-creation. Interesting.
As you can see, the lessons I am learning now are quite complex……or simple. The continuation of this cycle depends totally on me and my choices over the next few months. The advice given? Be selective in your focus, for whatever you focus on will quickly grow in proportion to that focus.