In this strange in-between place I find myself in this last week or so, I find that I am receiving guidance in the form of statements and sometimes lengthy lessons. Most of this guidance is directed at acclimating me into the new personality. At the same time I am also the old personality, so you can imagine how confusing it is for me….or the old personality. I oftentimes do not know which “me” I am as the boundary between the two is very blurry if not imperceptible at times.
Many times I will hear statements and they will be repeated. One such statement, which I heard over and over in the beginning, was “You are Alive”. This one I still sometimes hear but less frequently. The most recent one I hear is, “Remember you are not human”. It is no surprise to me then that yesterday I slipped and accidentally told my son that he needed a human to help him rather than using the word “adult”. 🙂
Lesson: You are Not Human
The other evening, deep in misery from my chest cold and trying to meditate myself to sleep, my thoughts fixated on an article I accidentally saw online about two parents who stomped their 20-month-old daughter to death. I avoid reading such news because it always upsets me and I thought I had avoided the upset this time. Apparently not. I could not stop my mind from returning to the article headline (I never read the article) over and over and I soon ended up in agony because my own son is near her age and my mind kept creating images of what it would be like for him to die in such a way. I cannot imagine how any parent could ever do such a thing!
Since I have agonized over similar articles about the untimely deaths of children, I knew what would come of it if I did not put an end to my self-torture. There is no reason to burden myself with such things! So I asked for help.
Interestingly, my guidance suggested I take a closer look at my emotions. As I looked at my own upset they explained the difference between emotion here (on Earth) and emotion there (wherever that is – let’s just say in Spirit). This explanation is not knew to me, I have heard explanations of the differences before, both via my guides and through books and articles. Yet this time I had memory of what it is like to be separate from the emotion. And the memory seemed like yesterday; like just the other day I was separate from the emotion and able to not be the effect of it. Yet here, now, I was getting a crash course in just how easy one can get sucked up into the emotion, becoming the effect of it.
This is where it gets weird for me because this memory brought up all kinds of other memories like the memory of planning life and discussing the difference between what we hope to achieve/think we will achieve and what really happens when we get down here. Preparing for the “muck” of planet Earth. We know all about it, we plan for it, but we don’t really know until we get into it and find out just how sticky and sloppy it is.
I could distinctly see the difference right then and there. Unstuck. Stuck. Unstuck. Stuck. Hmm. Then I was saying to them, “How do I get unstuck!?”
They asked me to use my memory and let it show me why I was stuck. I saw the connections. Memory linked to memory linked to memory…etc. Seeing the article brought up the memory of my own son alongside other articles that brought up similar memories. This was linked to a memory of my last life when my own father drowned me to death. This linked to the life before when as a nurse and mother I saw babies and children of all ages murdered by their own parents. It strung all the way back to a life of mine from over 10,000 years ago when my own baby was born dead and I bashed his little body against the rocks in frustration and grief. I still felt guilty for it even though he was already dead. 😦
All that from one article. Ha!
This is the muck. All that IS the muck.
And then I was reminded of contracts, or soul agreements. I was reminded that Earth is the one place where we get to experience anything. ANYTHING. And it is only experience. It isn’t judged as good or bad. The little girl who was stomped to death wanted to experience that. That was her agreement with her parents. I have had similar agreements. I knew this, too. And thinking of it this way made the upset vanish. I became less and less stuck. Pulled out of the muck.
I was reminded of the contracts I made. How would I have felt if I had asked my father to kill me and he hadn’t? Would I be mad? No, of course not, but I would be disappointed. Now what if he did kill me, would I be mad at him? Of course not! hahaha
Kinda puts everything into perspective.
This conversation happened in minutes, by the way. It may seem that it would have taken a long time but it was all there, in my head, so quick that it took me very little time to process, understand and find relief.
It was at the end of this conversation that the reminder of, “You are not human” really started to make sense to me. There is a part of me that retracts from being “unemotional” and when I was asked why, I knew it was because it seems mechanical, robotic, to be unemotional. I value emotion. I want to be human. But in identifying emotion as human, and human as being the effect of emotion, I had caught myself in a continuous loop of muck.
The only way to rise above the muck was to remember I am not human. I am having a human experience. Two different things entirely.
It seems to me like my guidance is saying to me, “Get in charge of your physical vehicle already!” But then, how long have I been in this vehicle? What was I doing all this time? Oh, I was on a roller coaster…..LOL
And as I mull over all this, it seems almost like this walk-in experience is not literally some other soul walking into my body to “take over”. It seems more like a part of me which has always been there is finally coming in to make things right.